Two guys were discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and values.
Stu said, "I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, Did you?"
Leroy replied, "I'm not sure, What was her maiden name?"

A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."

"Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce Court Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week," "That's very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself,"

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?"  
The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"

An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you.
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."

Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder
1. All the DNA is the same
2. There are no dental records.

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.
"How was he killed?" asked one detective.
"With a golf gun," the other detective replied.
"A golf gun?! What is a golf gun?"
"I don't know. But it sure made a hole in Juan."

This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a blonde wearing the tightest pants he's ever seen. Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and asks, "How do you get into those pants?"
The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start by buying me a drink."

Moe: "My wife got me to believe in religion."
Joe: "Really?"
Moe: "Yeah. Until I married her I didn't believe in hell."

A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he is feeling. "I'm O.K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used in surgery," he answered.  
"What did he say," asked the nurse."OOPS!"

Good Lord, she's fainted!!"

You see a gorgeous girl at a party; you go up to her and say 
"I'm fantastic in bed".
That's Direct Marketing.

One of your friends goes up to her, points at you and says 
"He's fantastic in bed"
That's Advertising.

You go up to her and get her number. The next day you call and say" 
Hi, I'm fantastic in bed"
That's Telemarketing.

You straighten your tie, walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride,
and then say "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed".
That's Public Relations.

She walks up to you and says "I hear you're fantastic in bed"
That's Brand Recognition.

The next day, he decides to try again, but just as he is about to knock on the front door, he looks through the window and sees the Chinese man urinate into a glass and then drink it. Not wanting to interrupt another "Chinese custom", he decides to put the welcome on hold for yet another day.

A day later he decides to give it one last go, but on his way next door, he sees the Chinese man leading a cow down the drive-way, pause, and then put his head next to the cow's bum.

The Aussie bloke can't handle this, so he goes up to the Chinese man and says "What the hell is it with your Chinese customs? I come over to welcome you to the neighbourhood, and see you running around the yard after hens. The next day you are pissing in a glass, and drinking it, and then today you have your head so close to that cow's bum, it could just about shit on you."

The Chinese man is very taken back and says "Sorry Sir, you do not understand, these aren't Chinese customs I am performing, but Australian customs."

"What do you mean mate" says the Aussie, "Those aren't Australian customs."

"Yes they are", replied the Chinese man, "for you see, in order for me to become a true Australian, I must Chase Chicks, Drink Piss, and listen to Bull-shit.

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. Finally, one man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask: "Why does the male brain cost so much more?" The doctor smiled at his childish innocence, and so, to the entire group he said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."

SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE GUYS YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.

GHOST POO - You know you've poo'd. There's poo on the toilet paper, but none in the toilet.

TEFLA COATED POO - comes out so slick and clean that you don't even feel it. No trace of poo on the paper. You have to look in the toilet to be sure you did it.

GOOEY POO - This has the consistency of hot tar. You wipe 12 times and you still don't come out clean. You end up putting toilet paper in your underwear so you don't stain them. This poo leaves a permanent skid mark in the toilet.

SECOND THOUGHT POO - you're all done wiping and you're about to stand up when you realise ... there's more where that came from.

POP VEIN IN YOUR FOREHEAD POO - This is the kind of poo that killed Elvis. It doesn't want to come out until you're all sweaty, 'trembling and purple' from straining so hard.

WEIGHT WATCHERS POO - You poo so much you lose several kilograms.

RIGHT NOW POO - You had better be within 30 seconds of a toilet. You burn rubber getting to it. Usually its tip is out before you can get your pants down.

KING KONG OR GODZILLA POO - This is so big that you know it won't go down. You know you'll have to break it into smaller chunks. A wire coat hanger works well. This kind of poo usually happens at someone else's house or WORK!

CORK POO (ALSO KNOWN AS FLOATERS) -Even after the third flush it's still floating. How does one get rid of it???

WET CHEEKS POO - This poo hits the water side-ways and makes a big 'SPLASH' that gets you all wet.

WISH POO - You sit there all cramped up and fart a few times ... but no poo.

GARLIC AND BAKED BEANS POO - Normally your poo doesn't smell too bad...but this one is BAD.. Usually this one happens at someone else's house or WORK and there is someone outside to use the bathroom

MEXICAN FOOD POO (ALSO CALLED SCREAMERS) - You'll know it's all-right to eat again when your "b---" stops burning!!!

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?

They searched for days and couldn't find her, so the captain sent the old man back to shore with the promise that he would notify him as soon as they found something. Three weeks went by and finally the old man got a fax from the boat.

It read: "Sir, sorry to inform you, we found your wife dead at the bottom of the ocean. We hauled her up to the deck and attached to her butt was an oyster and in it was a pearl worth $50,000 ...please advise"

The old man faxed back: "Send me the pearl and re-bait the trap"

 "Come in," God said. "So, you would like to interview Me?"
"If you have the time," I said.
God smiled and said: "My time is eternity and is enough to do everything; what questions do you have in mind to ask me?"
I said "What surprises you most about mankind?"
God answered: "That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to grow up, and then long to be children again."
"That they lose their health to make money and then lose their money to restore their health."
"That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live neither for the present nor the future."
"That they live as if they will never die, and they die as if they had never lived..."
God's hands took mine and we were silent for while and then I asked...
"As a parent, what are some of life's lessons you want your children to learn?"
God replied with a smile:
"To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What they can do is to let themselves be loved."
"To learn that what is most valuable is not what they have in their lives, but who they have in their lives."
"To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others. All will be judged individually on their own merits, not as a group on a comparison basis."
"To learn that a rich person is not the one who has the most, but is one who needs the least."
"To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in persons we love, and that it takes many years to heal them."
"To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness."
"To learn that there are persons that love them dearly, but simply do not know how to express or show their feelings"
"To learn that money can buy everything but happiness."
"To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it totally different."
"To learn that a true friend is someone who knows everything about them. ..and likes them anyway."
"To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven by others, but that they have to forgive themselves."
I sat there for awhile enjoying the moment. I thanked Him for his time and for all that He has done for me and my family, and He replied,
"Anytime. I'm here 24 hours a day. All you have to do is ask for me, and I'll answer."
"People will forget what you said. People will forget what you did. But people will never forget how you made them feel."
"Thinking of you.....:

 PS: Pass it on to someone special in your life....just as we thought of you.

An unemployed man goes to try for a job with Microsoft as a cleaner.
The manager there arranges for an aptitude test (Section: Floors, sweeping and cleaning).
After the test, the manager says: 
You will be appointed on the scale of $30 per day. 
Let me have your e-mail address, so that I can send a form to complete and advise you where to report for work on your first day.
Taken aback, the unemployed man protests that he is neither in possession of a computer nor of an e-mail address. 
To this the MS exist and can therefore hardly expect to be employed. Stunned, the man leaves.
Not knowing where to turn and only having about $10 left, he decides to buy a 10kg box of tomatoes at the supermarket. 
Within less than 2 hours, he sells the tomatoes singly at 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 before going to sleep that night. And thus it dawns on the man that he could quite easily make a living selling tomatoes. Getting up early and earlier every day and going to bed late and later, he multiplies his hoard of profits in quite a short time.
Not too long thereafter, he acquires a cart to transport several dozen boxes of tomatoes, only to have to trade it in again shortly afterwards on a pick-up truck. By the end of the second year, he is the owner of a fleet of pick-up trucks and manages a staff of a hundred former unemployed people, all selling tomatoes.
Considering the future of his wife and children, he decides to buy some life assurance. 
Calling an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. At the end of the telephone conversation, the adviser asks him for his e-mail address in order that he might forward the documentation. 
When the man replies that he has no e-mail, the adviser is stunned: 
"What, you don't even have e-mail? 
How on earth have you managed to amass such wealth without the Internet, e-mail and e-commerce? 
Just imagine where you would have been by now, if you had been connected from the very start!"
After a moment's silence, the tomato millionaire replied: "Sure! I would have been a cleaner at Microsoft!"

Morals of the story: 
1: The Internet, e-mail and e-commerce do not need to rule your life.

2: If you don't have e-mail, but work hard, you can still become a millionaire.

3: Seeing that you got this story via e-mail, you're probably closer to becoming a cleaner than you are to becoming a millionaire.

4: If you do have a computer and e-mail, you're already being taken to the cleaners by Microsoft.

There was a guy sun bathing in the nude. He saw a little girl coming toward him, so he covered himself with the newspaper he was reading. The little girl came up to him and asked, "What do you have under the newspaper?"

Thinking quickly, the guy replied, "A bird." And the little girl walked away, and the guy fell asleep. When he woke up, he was in a hospital in tremendous pain.

The police asked him what happened.

The guy says, "I don't know. I was lying on the beach, this little girl asked me a question, I guess I dozed off, and the next thing I know is I'm here. "The police went to the beach, found the little girl, and asked her, "What did you do to that naked fellow?  
"After a pause, the she replied, "To him? Nothing much. I was playing with his bird and it spat at me, so I broke its neck, cracked its eggs, and set its nest on fire! "Moral of the story..........never lie to kids.

Happy with their two stunningly beautiful teenage daughters but wanting a son, a middle-aged couple decided to try one last time. After months of effort, the wife finally became pregnant, and nine months later she delivered a healthy baby boy. The happy father rushed to the nursery to see his new son and was horrified to discover that the child was possibly the ugliest he had ever seen. The man went back to his wife. "There's no way I could be the father of that baby! Look at the two beautiful daughters I've had!" He glared at his wife. "Have you been fooling around on me? 
"His wife smiled sweetly and replied, "Not this time."

Usually she slept through the class. One day her teacher a Nun called on her while she was napping. "Tell me, Mary, who created the universe? 
"When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, seated in the chair behind her, took a pencil and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Mary and the Nun said, "Very good" and Mary fell back asleep.

A while later the Nun asked Mary, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But, Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again,  little Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again.  "Jesus Christ!" shouted Mary and the Nun said. "Very Good" and Mary fell back asleep.

Then the Nun asked Mary a third question.
"What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" 
This time Mary jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!"

The Nun fainted......

"You'll find Jesus there too. He lives there."

 The surgeon left.
The surgeon sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery, "...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration.
No hope for transplant, no hope for cure.
 Therapy: painkillers and bed rest. 
Prognosis:, " here he paused, "death within one year."
He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said. "Why?" he asked aloud.  
"Why did You do this? 
You've put him here; 
You've put him in this pain; and You've cursed him to an early death. 
Why?"
The Lord answered and said, 
"The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for  long, for he is a part of My flock, and will forever be. 
Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. 
His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and My flock will continue to grow."
The surgeon's tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. "You created that boy, and You created that heart. 
He'll be dead in months. 
Why?" 
The Lord answered, "The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for he has done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost  lamb."
The surgeon wept.
The surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him.
The boy awoke and whispered, 
"Did you cut open my heart?" 
"Yes," said the surgeon.
"What did you find?" asked the boy.
"I found Jesus there," said the surgeon.
- Author Unknown

A little old couple walked slowly into McDonalds one old winter evening. 
They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.
Some of the customers looked admiringly at them. You could tell what
The admirers were thinking. "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked right up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off of the tray. There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink.
 The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut  it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carefully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink, his wife took a sip and then set the cup down between them. As the man began to eat his few bites of hamburger the crowd began to get restless.
Again you could tell what they were thinking.
 "That poor old couple. All they can afford is one meal for the two of them."
As the man began to eat his French fries one young man stood and came over to the old couples' table. He politely offered to buy another meal for  the old couple to eat.
 The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything.
Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady hadn't eaten a bite.
 She just sat there watching her husband eat and occasionally taking turns sipping the drink. Again the young man came over and begged them to let him buy them something to eat.
This time the lady explained that no, they were used to sharing everything together. As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin the young man could stand it no longer.
Again he came over to their table and offered to buy some food. After being politely refused again he finally asked a question of the little old lady.
"Ma'am, why aren't you eating. You said that you share everything.
What is it that you are waiting for?"
She answered.....

 "The teeth".

Then she presented each of them with a blue ribbon imprinted with gold letters, which read, "Who I Am Makes a Difference."

Afterwards the teacher decided to do a class project to see what kind of impact recognition would have on a community.

She gave each of the students three more ribbons and instructed them to go out and spread this acknowledgment ceremony. Then they were to follow up on the results, see who honored whom and report to the class in about a week.

One of the boys in the class went to a junior executive in a nearby company and honored him for helping him with his career planning. He gave him a blue ribbon and put it on his shirt.

Then he gave him two extra ribbons and said, "We're doing a class project on recognition, and we'd like you to go out, find somebody to honor, give them a blue ribbon, then give them the extra blue ribbon so they can acknowledge a third person to keep this acknowledgment ceremony going. Then please report back to me and tell me what happened."

Later that day the junior executive went in to see his boss, who had been noted, by the way, as being kind of a grouchy fellow. He sat his boss down and he told him that he deeply admired him for being a creative genius.

The boss seemed very surprised. The junior executive asked him if he would accept the gift of the blue ribbon and would he give him permission to put it on him. His surprised boss said, "Well, sure." The junior executive took the blue ribbon and placed it right on his boss's jacket above his heart. 
As he gave him the last extra ribbon, he said, "Would you do me a favor? 
Would you take this extra ribbon and pass it on by honoring somebody else?

The young boy who first gave me the ribbons is doing a project in school and we want to keep this recognition ceremony going and find out how it affects those that were given the Blue Ribbon.

That night the boss came home to his 14-year-old son and sat him down.

He said, "The most incredible thing happened to me today. I was in my office and one of the junior executives came in and told me he admired me and gave me a blue ribbon for being a creative genius. Imagine He thinks I am a creative genius. Then he put this blue ribbon that says 'Who I Am Makes A Difference'" on my jacket above my heart. He gave me an extra ribbon and asked me to find somebody else to honor. 

As I was driving home tonight, I thought about you. I want to honor you. My days are hectic and when I come home, I don't pay a lot of attention to you. Sometimes I scream at you for not getting good enough grades in school and for your bedroom being a mess, but somehow tonight, I just wanted to sit here and, well, just let you know that you do make a difference to me. Besides your mother, you are the most important person in my life. You re a great kid and I love you!"

The startled boy started to sob and sob and he couldn't stop crying. His whole body shook. He looked up at his father and said through his tears, "Dad, earlier tonight I sat in my room and wrote a letter to you and Mom explaining why I had killed myself and asking you to forgive me.

I was going to commit suicide tonight after you were asleep. I just didn't think that you cared at all. The letter is upstairs.

I don't think I need it after all." His father walked upstairs and found a heartfelt letter full of anguish and pain.
The envelope was addressed, "Mom and Dad". The boss went back to work a changed man.
He was no longer a grouch but made sure to let all his employees know that they made a difference.

The junior executive helped several other young people with career planning and never forgot to let them know that they made a difference in his life, one being the boss's son. And the young boy and his classmates learned a valuable lesson. 
Who you are DOES make a difference.

When retiring to the bedroom prepare yourself for bed as promptly as possible. Whilst feminine hygiene is of the utmost importance your tired husband does not want to queue for the bathroom as he would have to do for his train. But remember to look your best when going to bed. Try to achieve a look that is welcoming without being obvious. If you need to apply face-cream or hair-rollers wait until he is asleep as this can be shocking to a man last thing at night.

When it comes to the possibility of intimate relations with your husband it is important to remember your marriage vows and in particular your commitment to obey him. If he feels that he needs to sleep immediately then so be it.

In all things be lead by your husband's wishes, do not pressure him in any way to stimulate intimacy.

Should your husband suggest congress then accede humbly all the while being mindful that a man's satisfaction is more important than a woman's.

When he reaches his moment of fulfillment a small moan from yourself is encouraging to him and quite sufficient to indicate any enjoyment that you may have had.

Should your husband suggest any of the more unusual practices be obedient and uncomplaining but register any reluctance by remaining silent.

It is likely that your husband will then fall promptly asleep so adjust your clothing, freshen up and apply your night time face and hair care products. You may then set the alarm so that you can arise shortly before him in the morning. This will enable you to have his morning cup of tea ready when he awakes.

They had everything in their collection, from Picaso to Raphael. They would often sit together and admire the great works of art. When the Viet Nam conflict broke out, the son went to war. He was very courageous and died in battle while rescuing another soldier.

The father was notified and grieved deeply for his only son. About a month later, just before Christmas, there was a knock at the door. A young man stood at the door with a large package in his hands. 

He said, "Sir, you don't know me, but I am the soldier for whom your son gave his life. He saved many lives that day, and he was carrying me to safety when a bullet struck him in the heart and he died instantly. He often talked about you, and your love for art." The young man held out his package. "I know this isn't much.  I'm not really a great artist, but I think your son would have wanted you to have this."

The father opened the package. It was a portrait of his son, painted by the young man. He stared in sweat the way the soldier had captured the personality of his son in the painting. The father was so drawn to the eyes that his own eyes welled up with tears. He thanked the young man and offered to pay him for the picture.

 Oh, no sir, I could never repay what your son did for me. It's a gift".

The father hung the portrait over his mantle. Every time visitors came to his home he took them to see the portrait of his son before he showed them any of the other great works he had collected.

The man died a few months later. There was to be a great auction of his paintings. Many influential people gathered, excited over seeing the great paintings and having an opportunity to purchase one of them or the collection. 

On the platform sat the painting of the son. The auctioneer pounded his gavel. We will start the bidding with this picture of the son. Who will bid for this picture?"
 
There was silence.

Then a voice in the back of the room shouted, "We want to see the famous paintings. Skip this one."

But the auctioneer persisted. 

"Will someone bid for this painting? 
Who will start the bidding? $100, $200?"
Another voice shouted angrily, 
"We didn't come to see this painting. We came to see the Van Goghs, the Rembrandts. Get on with the real bids 

But still the auctioneer continued. The son! The son! Who'll take the son?"
Finally, a voice came from the very back of the room. It was the longtime gardener of the man and his son. 
"I'll give $10 for the painting."
Being a poor man, it was all he could afford. 
"We have $10, who will bid $20?"
"Give it to him for $10. Let's see the masters."
 "$10 is the bid, won't someone bid $20?"

The crowd was becoming angry. 
They didn't want the picture of the son. 
They wanted the more worthy investments for their collections.
The auctioneer pounded the gavel. 
"Going once, twice, SOLD for $10!"
A man sitting on the second row shouted, 
"Now let's get on with the collection!"
The auctioneer laid down his gavel. 
"I'm sorry, the auction is over."
"What about the paintings?"
 "I am sorry. 
When I was called to conduct this auction, I was told of a secret stipulation in the will. I was not allowed to reveal that stipulation until this time Only the painting of the son would be auctioned. 
Whoever bought that painting would inherit the entire estate, including the paintings. 
The man who took the son gets every thing!"

God gave His son 2,000 years ago to die on a cruel cross.
Much like the auctioneer, His message today is: "The son, the son, who'll take the son?"

Because, you see, whoever takes the Son gets everything.

Please note that with the arrival of the new "Drive-thru" cash point machines customers will be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up.

 Please read the procedure that applies to your own circumstances (i.e. MALE or FEMALE) and remember it when you use the machine for the first time.

MALE PROCEDURE

 1 Drive up to the cash machine.

 2 Wind down your car window.

3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5 Retrieve card, cash, and receipt

6 Wind up window

7 Drive off

FEMALE PROCEDURE

1 Drive up to cash machine.

2 Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine

3 Re-start the stalled engine

4 Wind down the window

5 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

6 Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror

7 Attempt to insert card into machine

8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car

9 Insert card

10 Insert card the right way up

11 Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page

12 Enter PIN.

13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

14 Enter amount of cash required

15 Re-check make up in rear view mirror

16 Retrieve cash and receipt

17 Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside

18 Place receipt in back of cheque book

19 Re-check make-up again

20 Drive forwards 2 metres

21 Reverse back to cash machine

22 Retrieve card

23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided

24 Re-check make-up

 25 Restart stalled engine and pull off

 26 Drive for 3 to 4 miles

27 Release hand brake

An elderly woman went into the doctor’s office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I’d like to have some birth-control pills." Taken aback, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me,
Mrs. Smith, but you’re 72 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?"
The woman responded, "They help me sleep better."
The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?"
The woman said, "Simple. I put them in my granddaughter’s orange juice every morning and I sleep better at night."

One day at a bus stop, there was a girl who was wearing a skin tight miniskirt.
When the bus arrived and it was her turn to get on, she realized that her skirt was so tight she couldn't get her foot high enough to reach to step. Thinking it would give her enough slack to raise her leg, she reached back and unzipped her skirt a little.
She still could not reach the step.
Embarrassed, she reached back once again to unzip it a little more.
Still, she couldn't reach the step.
So, with her skirt zipper halfway down, she reached back and unzipped her skirt all the way.
Thinking that she could get on the step now, she lifted up her leg only to realize that she still couldn't reach the step.
So, seeing how embarrassed the girl was, the man standing behind her put his hands around her waist and lifted her up on to the first step of the bus. The girl turned around furiously and said, "How dare you touch my body that way, I don't even know you!"
Shocked, the man said, "Well, ma'am, after you reached around and unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we were friends."