2nd grade teacher had been teaching for about 15  years...this is her story...It was in my second grade class .  
A few years back  when I was a kid, I loved Show-and-Tell.  
So I always have sessions  with my students.  
It helps them get over shyness and usually Show and Tell is pretty tame.  
Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.
And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them.  
If they want to lug it to school and talk about it they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and
waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant.
"This is Luke, my baby brother, and I am going to tell you about his birthday."

First Mum and Dad made him as a symbol of their love.  And then Dad put a seed in my mother's stomach and Luke grew in there.  He ate for nine months through the umbrella cord."

She's  standing with her hands over the pillow. and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me.
The kids are watching her in amazement.

"Then about 2 sundays ago, my mum started saying and going, "Oh, oh,oh"
Erica puts her hands behind her back and groans.
"She walked around the house for, like an hour, "Oh, oh, oh"

Now this kid is doing an hysterical duck-walk and groaning."My Dad calls the Middle Wife.  
She delivers babies but she doesn't have a sign on her car  like the Domino's man.  
They got Mum to lie down in bed like this.  
Then Erica lies down  with her back against the wall.
"And then, POP!...My Mum had this bag of water  she kept in there in case he got thirsty.  
And it just blew up all over the bed like .pssshheew!"

This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands is miming the water flowing away.
It was too much! ""Then the midfdle wife starts saying 'push-push' and 'breathe-breathe.'
They started counting but never got past ten.
Then, all of a sudden out comes my brother.  
He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said it was from Mum's play centre!.. so there must be an awful  lot of
stuff in there."

Then Erica stood up, took a theatrical bow and went back to her  seat.  
I'm sure i applauded the loudest.  
Ever since, if it's  show-and tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along

PRICELESS! Louisiana Title Search

New Orleans residents are challenged often with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, making it quite difficult to establish ownership.

Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client that I thought was absolutely priceless!!

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down. After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.

(Actual letter): "Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title.
While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:

(Actual letter): "Your letter regarding title in Case No. 189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 194 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased, by the U.S., from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Isabella. The good queen, Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus' expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana.
God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back, to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it AND the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn
loan?"

The loan was approved.

IN GOD WE TRUST!

GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise cats.
2) When your Mum is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fibre, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

SUCCESS:

At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is . . . having friends.
At age 17 success is . . having a drivers licence.
At age 35 success is . . . having money.
At age 50 success is . . . having money.
At age 70 success is . .. . having a drivers licence.
At age 75 success is . . . having friends.
At age 80 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.

Little girl asked her Mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?"
Mom replies, "No, because she is in heat."
"What's that mean?" asked the child.
"Go ask your father.
I think he's in the garage."
The little girl goes to the garage and says, "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block?
I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come to you."
Dad said, "Bring Belle over here."
He took a rag, soaked it with petrol, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it to disguise the scent, and said
"OK, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time round the block."

The little girl left and returned a few minutes later with no dog on the leash.

Surprised, Dad asked, "Where's Belle? 

(YOU'RE GONNA LOVE THIS!!!!!!!!! )

The little girl said, "She ran out of petrol about halfway down the block, so another dog is pushing her home.

Underwear Is Important

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working Under your vehicle.
From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart,
only to have their car break down in the parking lot.

The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.
The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car.
On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.

Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underwear turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts, and tucked everything back out of site.

On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
one old love she can imagine going back to...and one who reminds her how far she has come...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a youth she's content to leave behind...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age....

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a set of screwdrivers, cordless drill, and a black lace bra...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored..

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job, break up with a lover,  and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder...and when to walk away..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but its over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...be it to her best friend's kitchen table...or a charming inn in the woods...when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she can and can't accomplish in a day...a month...and a year...

True Australian Ghost Story

This story happened a while ago in Brisbane, and even though it  sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's true.

 John Bradford, a  Sydney University student, was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in  the midst of a storm. The night was rolling on and no car went by.  The storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him.  Suddenly he saw a car slowly coming towards him and  stopped.  John, desperate for shelter and without thinking about it, got in the car and closed the door, just to realise there was nobody behind the wheel and the engine wasn't on!

The car started moving slowly.  John looked at the road and saw a  curve approaching. 
Scared, he started to pray, begging for his life.
Then, just before he hit the curve, a hand appeared through the window and turned the wheel. 
John, paralysed with terror, watched how  the hand appeared every time they came to a curve. 
John saw the lights of a pub down the road so, gathering strength,  jumped out of the car and ran to it. 
Wet and out of breath, he rushed inside and asked for two shots of tequila. 
He then started telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through.

A silence enveloped everybody when they realised he was crying and....wasn't drunk.

About 15 minutes later, two guys walked into the same pub.
They were also wet and out of breath. 
Looking around and seeing John Bradford sobbing at the bar, one said to  the other, Look, Bruce..  here's the bloody idiot that got in the car while we were pushing it.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant.
I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play.
I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand.

I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.
Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting....

Please scroll down

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languagis disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th"with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza.
Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch.
At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.

The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:

"Take only ONE. God is watching."

Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.

BODY MEETING:

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge
"I should be in charge," said the brain , "because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen".
"I should be in charge," said the blood, "because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."
"I should be in charge," said the stomach," because I process food and give all of you energy."
"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."
"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "because I allow the body to see where it goes."
"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."
All the other body parts laughed at the rectum and insulted him, so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache, the stomach was bloated, the legs got wobbly, the eyes got watery, and the blood was toxic. They all decided that the rectum should be the boss.

The Moral of the story?

The asshole is usually in charge !!

If you don't send this to at least 8 people....who gives a S-T!!!

To: Father John's Bath ---- Typical

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.
Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.

Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily, "I've been saved." Saved? And how did that come about?" asked the old nun. Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."

"Did he now?" said the old nun evenly.

Sister Magdalene continued, “And Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock."

"Is that a fact?" said the old nun even more evenly.

"At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved." "That wicked old bastard" said the old nun. "He told me it was Gabriel's Horn and I've been blowing it for 40 years."

A Christmas tale to warm your hearts...
There was a man who worked for the Post Office whose job it was to process all the mail that had illegible addresses.

One day just before Christmas, a letter landed on his desk, simply addressed in shaky handwriting to "God".

With no other clue on the envelope, he opened the letter and read, "Dear God, I am an 83 year old widow living on the State pension.  Yesterday someone stole my purse.  It had £100 in it, which was all the money I had in the world and no pension due until after Christmas.

Next week is Christmas and I had invited two of my friends over for Xmas dinner. 
Without that money, I have nothing to buy food with.  I have no family to turn to, and you are my only hope. God; can you please help me?"

The postal worker was really touched, and put a copy of the letter up on the Staff Notice board, at the main sorting office where he worked.

The letter touched the other postmen and they all dug into their pockets and had a whip round.
Between them they raised £96.

Using an official franked Post Office envelope, they sent the cash on to the old lady, and for the rest of the day, all the workers felt a warm glow thinking of the nice thing they had done.

Christmas came and went.  A few days later, another letter simply addressed to "God" landed in the Sorting Office.  Many of the postmen gathered around while the letter was opened.

It read, "Dear God, How can I ever thank you enough for what you did for me? 
Because of your generosity, I was able to provide a lovely dinner for my friends.  We had a very nice day, and I told my friends of your wonderful gift - in fact we haven't gotten over it and our Vicar is beside himself with joy.

By the way, there was £4 missing.  I think it must have been those thieving bast*rds at the Post Office."

A Love Story

I will seek and find you . . .
I shall take you to bed and have my way with you .
I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.
I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.  I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I'm finished with you.
And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.

All my love,

The Flu

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.."

"Yes," the class said.

"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"

A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.

"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'

A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.

She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"

Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,

"Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.

After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered

..."Thou shall not kill."

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.

The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."

The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."

Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,

 "They will in a minute."

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19-year-old girl dressed in nothing but a pair of  Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later,
Huffing and puffing, he finally catches her and has his way with her.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens.
On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10lb. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day, 20 lb. program.

The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me"
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and it takes him a while to catch her; but when he does he gives it to her hard until all he can do is wheeze. For the next four days, the same routine happens.
Much to his delight, on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.

 He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day, 50lb.program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative.
"This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."

SCROLL DOWN

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge, black hairy male standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you're mine."

One afternoon a man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see a fortune teller's tent.
Thinking it would be good for a laugh, the man went inside and sat down.
"Ah..." said the woman as she gazed into her  crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children."
"That's what you think," said the man scornfully.
"I'm the father of three children."
The mysterious psychic grinned and said, "That's what you think!"

Lipstick At School

According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.
That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man.
She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.
To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.
He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it.
Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
There are teachers, and then there are educators...

A man boarded an aircraft at Heathrow and took his seat, as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane. He realised she was heading straight towards his seat and bingo! She took the seat right beside him.
Eager to strike up a conversation, he blurted out, "business trip or vacation?" She turned, smiled enchantingly and said "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States".
He swallowed hard, here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs! Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked,
"What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use my experience to debunk some of  the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"
"Well," she explained," one popular myth is that African American men are the most well endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.
We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish,"
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said, "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said... "Tonto Papadopoulos , but my friends call me Paddy.

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and inquired of his father, if they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son.
"You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for  the offer and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said, "Son, I've been real proud.
You brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm real disappointed you haven't gotten your hair cut." The young man paused a moment then said, "You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that  Samson had long hair, John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair and there's even a strong argument that Jesus had long hair."
To this his father replied, "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"

While I was flying down the road yesterday (only 15 kph over) I noticed a cop with a radar gun sitting on top of a crest. The cop pulled me over, walked up to the car and asked me,
"What's the hurry?"
I replied, "I'm late for work."
"Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
I responded, "I'm a rectum stretcher."
The cop said "What.....a rectum stretcher, and what does a rectum stretcher do?"
I said, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand, then I work until I can get both hands in there and then I slowly stretch it until it's about 6 foot wide."
The cop asked me, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?"
I simply replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him on top of a hill..."

The ticket - - $ 195.00

The look on his face - - PRICELESS

if you stick that f###ing thing in me one more time, i'll break it in half and stick it up you're a#se!"

The teacher fainted.

Finally the most important tip

Delia's Way
Freeze leftover wine into ice cubes for future use in casseroles

The Real Woman'sWay
Left over wine???? Hello!!!!!

NO. You can't change your mind once you scroll down!
So think carefully what your choice will be!












OK - Now that you've made your choice, scroll down to see what research says about you!


ANGEL FOOD CAKE... Sweet, loving, cuddly. You love all warm and fuzzy items.
A little nutty at times. Sometimes you need an ice cream cone at the end
of the day. Others perceive you as being childlike and immature at times.


BROWNIES... You are adventurous, love new ideas, are a
champion of under dogs and a slayer of dragons. When tempers flare up, you
whip out your sabre. You are always the oddball with a unique sense of
humor and direction. You tend to be very loyal.


LEMON MERINGUE... Smooth, sexy, & articulate with your hands, you are an
excellent after-dinner speaker and a good teacher. But don't try to walk
and chew gum at the same time. A bit of a diva at times, but you have
many friends.


VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING... Fun-loving, sassy,
humorous. Not very grounded in life; very indecisive and lack motivation.
Everyone enjoys being around you, but you are a practical joker. Others should
be cautious in making you mad. However, you are a friend for life.


STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE... Romantic, warm, loving. You care about other
people and can be counted on in a pinch. You tend to melt. You
can be overly emotional and annoying at times.


CHOCOLATE ON CHOCOLATE... Sexy; always ready to give and receive. Very
creative, adventurous, ambitious, and passionate. You can
appear to have a cold exterior but are warm on the inside.Not afraid to
take chances.
Will not settle for anything average in life. Love to laugh.


ICE CREAM... You like sports, whether it be baseball, football,
basketball, or soccer. If you could, you would like to participate,
but you enjoy watching sports. You don't like to give up the remote
control. You tend to be self-centered and high maintenance.


CARROT CAKE... You are a very fun loving person, who likes to laugh. You
are fun to be with. People like to hang out with you. You are a very warm
hearted person and a little quirky at times. You have many loyal friends.

Why is Betadine like Al-Qaeda?

Ramblings of a retired mind
* I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that

  "Pumping Rust."
 * I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is   falling into your drawers
 * Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be notified in case of an emergency.' I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"

The billionaire arrives :
"Ok Ahmed, i'll give you the million euros.
-I don't want the money !
-What do you want ? My porsche, so take the keys.
-I don't want your porsche !
-Do you want my golden rolex ? come on take it !
-I don't want your watch !!
-So what do you want ??
-I want the name of the asshole who pushed me in the water !!!

So based on your moral and ethic principles, on the fraternity and human solidarity, what would you do :
Would you take the picture in colour or black and white ?